Day 3 in My 30 Days of Kink

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. This was a featured picture of Lady Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?
I think that my first clear inkling that I might have a kinky side was when I was around 20, bless the invention of chat ;). Since that period, I have always openly discussed my desire to be with another woman, with my partner. My other kinky desires weren’t something that I would admit to myself until about two years ago, and a year ago to my partner.
For Valentine’s Day (2 yrs ago), I received a Nook and was able to indulge in all types of erotica. I realized I was kinky, when I noticed that every-time I read a book about BDSM or a threesome I got wet. Really wet. Even though these things aroused me, it wasn’t until the beginning of last year that it became a NEED. By that, I mean I began to feel like BDSM was an aspect that I had to have in my life. When I tried to deny it to myself, I found that the need became greater. However, I wasn’t really sure that if I WAS kinky or if it was just something that I found interesting.
Well, lets just say that I saw the light after I’d convinced my partner to experiment, and he didn’t seem to enjoy it. When I found myself searching for a way to have a D/s relationship online, I knew that it was more than something that I found intriguing. But, I recently hadn’t had any form of D/s relationship for 6 months. I realized that I felt like there was something missing from my life, like I wasn’t complete or being the person who I truly am, and that’s when I knew that I was kinky.
I struggle with my need for a D/s relationship on a constant basis; my husband is not a Dom, and I don’t know that I can ever see him in that light. I LOVE HIM, but it doesn’t decrease my need for a D/s relationship. Believe me, I’ve spent a lot of time trying to analyze these things lately. But as a Dom I know put it, it doesn’t really matter why I’m this way; the need is there, and I can’t deny it. So I guess that’s how I know I’m kinky….although, if there’s a Dom who feels the need to test it out, I’ll gladly let him spank me ;).

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