Masturbation

English: masturbation masc. Español: masturbac...

English: masturbation masc. Español: masturbacion masculina (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Okay, I’m putting it all out there at you’re finger tips….What are your views on discussing this w/your children? Should you discuss with them, if so, when’s the right age?
I’m asking because I was told my discussion with my kids was inappropriate…I DIDN’T GIVE A FREAKING DEMONSTRATION OR WHIP OUT SEX TOYS!!!! I merely wanted them to know its an option, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. I got pregnant when I was 18; my life could be so different if I wasn’t a mom at 19. Now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to delve in, enjoy & discover my sexual self….perhaps, I wouldn’t be so unsatisfied if I’d “sowed my wild oats”…..

My oldest is 18, and has lived with her father & his family since she was 11 ( it’s always fun battling against a family full of attorneys). I tried to talk with her about it, and when I knew she was sexually active I offered to buy “sex toys” for her. Needless to say, she is expecting my first grandchild on Christmas Eve (yep, 6 days after I turn 38). Yesterday,she said she wishes she had taken me up on my offer last yr before she started college. In less than a year, she went from starting college a year early to being pregnant.I have always spoken openly & honestly with the two kids who I share with my spouse; they know that I don’t want them to get pregnant at a young age, and that I would be supportive if it occurred. But honestly, if I’d known how great it could feel to masturbate I would’ve never left my house ;)! Okay, okay, I would’ve left the house but I also would’ve known that I could create my own HAPPY ENDING.

When I was in Fifth Grade, my father ‘caught’ me masturbating, it was one of the worst experiences ever. Not only did he make me feel horrible that day, but he used it against me on a regular basis. It was the reason he searched my things, called me a whore and threatened to kill me on a regular basis, tore my clothes off of me.  Those things have stuck with me over the past 25 yrs, but I am determined not to repeat those things.

I want my kids to know that masturbation is a wonderful thing, that can be done with or without a partner.

7 thoughts on “Masturbation

  1. I not only had to deal with my three kids but two others about this subject and, well, it just had to be discussed whether I liked it or not. I could have, like my parents did, leave them to their own devices even though I knew for a fact that this is not a smart thing to do – it’ll invariably get them in more trouble than telling them about it and, as what happened with you, you get the sense that you’re doing something wrong and it causes issues with one’s self-confident and being comfortable with one’s body.

    I chose to tell all five of them what the deal was with this and I even encouraged them to chose this method of gratification before even thinking about doing the rest of it. For the most part, it was a successful way to handle it because, as a culture, we are so prudish about such things and we find it so embarrassing – as adults, if that makes sense – that we will balk at telling our children about something that, um, they’re probably already doing. It is my belief that if you don’t tell your children, you have failed to handle a very responsibility as a parent and you’ve set the stage for said child to grow up ignorant of the things that he/she are, without a doubt, going to need when they get older.

    Yes, you teach them about the inappropriate behavior from others – but that’s not the same thing, is it? You don’t even have to “force” the discussion because, if you’ve been paying attention to your child, you will damn well know when it’s time to have this conversation with them. You talk to them about it and answer their questions – and without coloring them with your own preconceptions about it, i.e., I didn’t do with my kids what my parents did to me and my sibs, which was a lot of nothing; keep it in your pants, keep your legs closed, you’ll go blind, stuff like that. I was determined that even though my parents failed me in this – I had to learn all that good stuff on my own – I wasn’t going to fail my children.

    No, you don’t put on a live demonstration for them – but you tell them just the same. And we wonder why kids are more and more promiscuous these days? That’s because some parents just do not want to have this conversation any more than they want to tell them where babies come from… and I don’t know how anyone could justify this behavior. You don’t tell them… then when they turn up pregnant (or is a daddy) at 16, you’re raising all kinds of hell with them?

    My ex, when it was time to talk about this, didn’t want it to happen. So, I said to her, “Okay… you tell them what the deal is and answer their questions; call me if they give you any grief, okay?”

    Her objection was retracted. Clearly, if she couldn’t do it, one of us had to – and she couldn’t because her parents didn’t talk to her about it and when they did, it was always in the negative – it’s dirty, nasty, don’t you ever do it.

    Not telling them is bullshit. And whoever told you that it was inappropriate needs a reality check.

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  2. Should you discuss masturbation with your children? Yes, of course. When? When you think they are ready for it. Not talking about it (and sex) with them would be foolishness, in my opinion. Children need parents to be honest with them.

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  3. I think it’s absolutely necessary. Not just masturbation, also sexual pleasure, self-love, the beauty of one’s natural body, protection, feminism… 🙂 Not sure about the right age, I guess it differs from child to child, just when they become aware of these issues.
    I wish I grew up in a culture where these issues are discussed between parents and children (to this day my mom still refuses to see me as a sexually active woman and I am over 30 now).

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  4. I haven’t had this situation come up for me… but, I feel it is not only ok to talk about healthy alternatives to having sex.. but it is important to let them know that it is normal and ok to have these feelings. It’s just about what is appropriate at certain ages that should be considered…

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