Vulnerability

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Lately, because of situations in my past & a current issue, I’ve been feeling extremely vulnerable. Daddy has been there for me the whole way, I’m a really lucky babygirl. It scares me to love him, but I’ve come to the reality that I can’t stop my feelings. Lol, I tried that approach. I tried to distance my feelings, but Daddy saw right through that, too. It was weird, even though I don’t want to lose Daddy, I could see that I was trying to push him away. In the beginning, I actually thought it would be better to push him away than to admit I was scared shitless & feeling vulnerable.
Daddy told me that no matter what I’m stuck with him, until i say it’s not something that I want. It’s kind of nice to be able to admit that I have abandonment issues, but have someone who is willing to help me heal. When one of my best friend’s killed himself in July, it totally set my issues into overdrive. I can count the number of people who have loved me unconditionally on one hand, and I’d just lost one of them. The pain & loss were overwhelming in the beginning; I wasn’t sleeping, and one night I stayed up combing messages to try & figure out what I’d missed.
I’m doing better, and I think Daddy’s patience has a lot to do with it. Even he can tell that I’m making progress; I guess I’m starting to move into the acceptance phase of grieving. I know my friend’s not coming back, regardless of how much I miss him; I still love & miss him, and that’s okay. Talking to Daddy helped me not to feel so consumed by my sadness. I have to remind myself that I can’t allow fear to stop me from experiencing love & happiness….and beauty, because it was truly an amazing experience to see & hear Daddy cum. The way he called out my name & told me he loved me, is one of the most beautiful sites I’ve ever experienced…I look forward to doing it more ****blushing****

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