Cha-Cha-Cha-Changes

As you can tell if you’ve been reading my posts, I am in the middle of combining several blogs that I started. I will now be posting erotic book and toy reviews on my blog. I’m excited about becoming a sex toy reviewer ;). I will also be posting pieces that I’ve written or am currently working on. Most Importantly: I will be blogging about BDSM, Daddy/babygirl Relationships, Polyamory, and Getting Your Kink On When You Have a Disability.

I will also be starting a question and answer segment, so if there any questions about BDSM that you’ve been dying to ask since you read 50 Shades, then I’m your girl. I will caution you though, and say that bdsm in the real world isn’t “really” like 50 Shades. There are a ton of different relationships that fall under the BDSM umbrella, and then there are people who just like to get freaky every once in a blue moon.

I have Multiple Sclerosis, and seeing as how this is MS Awareness month I decided to checkout the resources available to us kinky disabled folks. Sadly, there wasn’t as many as I’d hoped & some that looked promising had simply died out. So, I feel like I need to take one for the team and be the “Official Disabled Sexy Toy Testing Goddess”. I will do my duty & serve my community proudly; I will face the day, one toy at a time ;).

I will also be discussing polyamory, because I have recently begun a poly relationship. If someone had asked me about being poly five years ago, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. I’ve changed a lot in that time. I’ve learned that it’s important to be loved unconditionally & be happy, for me that happens to be as a member of a triad…and Daddy’s babygirl. Image

Masturbation

English: masturbation masc. Español: masturbac...

English: masturbation masc. Español: masturbacion masculina (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Okay, I’m putting it all out there at you’re finger tips….What are your views on discussing this w/your children? Should you discuss with them, if so, when’s the right age?
I’m asking because I was told my discussion with my kids was inappropriate…I DIDN’T GIVE A FREAKING DEMONSTRATION OR WHIP OUT SEX TOYS!!!! I merely wanted them to know its an option, and that there’s nothing wrong with it. I got pregnant when I was 18; my life could be so different if I wasn’t a mom at 19. Now, I’m at a point in my life where I want to delve in, enjoy & discover my sexual self….perhaps, I wouldn’t be so unsatisfied if I’d “sowed my wild oats”…..

My oldest is 18, and has lived with her father & his family since she was 11 ( it’s always fun battling against a family full of attorneys). I tried to talk with her about it, and when I knew she was sexually active I offered to buy “sex toys” for her. Needless to say, she is expecting my first grandchild on Christmas Eve (yep, 6 days after I turn 38). Yesterday,she said she wishes she had taken me up on my offer last yr before she started college. In less than a year, she went from starting college a year early to being pregnant.I have always spoken openly & honestly with the two kids who I share with my spouse; they know that I don’t want them to get pregnant at a young age, and that I would be supportive if it occurred. But honestly, if I’d known how great it could feel to masturbate I would’ve never left my house ;)! Okay, okay, I would’ve left the house but I also would’ve known that I could create my own HAPPY ENDING.

When I was in Fifth Grade, my father ‘caught’ me masturbating, it was one of the worst experiences ever. Not only did he make me feel horrible that day, but he used it against me on a regular basis. It was the reason he searched my things, called me a whore and threatened to kill me on a regular basis, tore my clothes off of me.  Those things have stuck with me over the past 25 yrs, but I am determined not to repeat those things.

I want my kids to know that masturbation is a wonderful thing, that can be done with or without a partner.

Decisions, Decisions

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It’s been an interesting week to say the least; the truth is out and now it’s decision making time, except I’m not really sure what choice I should make. My husband asked me what kind of marriage did I want, I said open. I love my husband but I’m not “in love” with him right now; we’ve both changed over the last 18 yrs, in someways I think we changed roles.
When we met I was 18, and had discovered I was pregnant a few weeks earlier. We actually became friends in the first place because I would talk to him while I would wait for my fiancé at his dorm. The more we talked the more I found him attractive, but nothing happened until after I broke up with my daughter’s father. In someways he was my knight in shining armor; when my mom went to the other side of the country in order to leave my dad, I was left with no family and a two month
old. He was my rock. When I was totally freaked out and stressed, his family watched my daughter so I could have a few days to try and wrap my head around things.
He saw me at my worst, but he still loved me. God knows I tested him more than any person should ever be tested; I had to know that he wouldn’t beat me or my child, I wasn’t going to repeat my childhood. I can say with complete honesty that he has never physical hurt me, or any of the children.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way my needs changed and I discovered I would actually like someone to hurt me in a BDSM way. I can’t say if this is just a phase and next week I’ll want something different. Although, it’s been my desire for over a year & a half….way before the Fifty Shades of Grey craze. It is also all but impossible for me to respond to him as a Dom; I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work.
One of the reasons I love him, is because he truly knows my (which also makes it easier for him to hurt me). While we were laying on the bed talking about things, and he was trying to get me to stop crying he said something that I’ve thought from time to time.
You know, you were jerked out of high school before your class even graduated. Then you were thrust into college & you got pregnant. If you think about it there are a lot of things you never got to experience. Then he said that maybe I needed some space so that I could experience those things.
I’ve been living under the cloud of all types of abuse until last year, when I decided it was time for me to heal. Maybe, all of these changes have occurred within me because I’m finally strong enough to shovel through the crap. In my everyday lives I’m am strong and always fighting to keep moving towards the goal. However when it comes to things of a sexual nature, I find it more gratifying and freeing when I am being submissive.
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to understand and learn about my true submissive nature; hell, to be honest I’m not even sure what all turns me on or what all is out there. Through my “mentoring”, I’ve discovered that I apparently like a little shame, humiliation & guilt. I’m also learning that you can like things in varying degrees. I also have a Domme side, but generally is only arousing to me in terms of being with another woman. I already knew I loved orgasm control and have been exploring this aspect as well.
I’ve also learned some things about my sexual preferences that I am not altogether comfortable with, and have had ideas, vids or discussions that have triggered negative reactions. These negative reactions correlate to things that I’ve recently identified in therapy.
It’s nice to have someone who will push me when I try and change the subject because I’m uncomfortable. It’s not such a great feeling when I upset the person that I’m working with,I’ve always hated disappointing people so maybe thats the submissive in me.
This journey is nowhere near complete, and I know that it’s going to have some really rough parts (like trying to figure out what type of marriage I’m going to be in), but I’m also going to learn who I really am, what I do and don’t like, and hopefully get to a point where I’m comfortable with the fact that I really like, love sex.

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Day 10 of My 30 Days of Kink

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Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Hmmmm, no activities that involve urine, feces or blood!! There is no way in hell that I’m going to partake in these things, sorry…for obvious reasons, I have a hard limit against extreme degradation & humiliation. I LOVE animals,but not in my sexual activities. I had a guy tell me he wanted me to be his nigger whore; I guess since I blocked his ass, that would be a hard limit. I don’t like guns, so anything involving that would be a big hell, fucking no on my part. I am not a fan of chocking and I don’t want to have someone make me pass out.
It’s really hard for me to say what I absolutely will not do, since I’m still quite new to the lifestyle (well, at least the acting on my desires part).

KISS ME, SPANK ME, FUCK ME

Standard nipple piercings. East Bay CA Deutsch...

Standard nipple piercings. East Bay CA Deutsch: Gepiercte weibliche Brustwarzen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I think after my dad’s birthday yesterday, I’ve been doing a ton of introspection…..well I’m done with that. My anthem is now: KISS ME, SPANK ME, FUCK ME!!!
Hmmm, where do I go to put in that request? I have been through some really deep, painful and emotional shit this week. I think I deserve to have some AMAZING DOM, put his hand underneath my chin and turn my head so that I’m forced to stare him in the eyes. Then I want him to kiss me like he owns, dominates and controls my body. I want him to use his tongue to invade my mouth. I don’t want a brief gentle kiss on the lips! I want him to nip at my lips with his teeth, then thrust his tongue in and out of my like his fucking me with it.
Then I want him to rip of my shirt, grab, twist, slap and bind my breasts. You want to add clothespins to my nipples? Yes please. Sign my ass up for that, and if you’d like to throw in some amazing sucking of these 44 DD…I’m all for it. I’m going to warn you now, Sir. By this point, my pussy is going to be so fucking wet, you may just want to consider it your sexual fountain. I’m sure there will be lots of begging and pleases, followed by

PLEASE SIR, I’LL DO ANYTHING WITHIN MY LIMITS IF YOU’LL LET ME CUM!!

But really I’ll be fine either way, because part of the thrill is making sure that I don’t cum so that I can please Sir…but it’s also pretty fucking hot when a Dom says yes you can cum, and he’s doing something like twisting your nipples….well, I enjoy it when I’m about to cum and I twist my own nipples, so it will only increase my pleasure if his pulling on my nipples, right???
Oooh, you want me to bend over your desk so you can take a crop to my ass!! Sir, I’ve been such a good girl all week ***head and eyes turned towards the ground***. PLEASE, MAY I CUM AT WILL?? I can, oh thank you Sir…Thank You, Sir…mmm, I can feel my juices starting to flow from my chocolate lotus flower. Mmmm, Sir….it feels wonderful when you add your fingers to my pussy…mmm, yes Sir, if it pleases you….mmm, you’re going to.mmmm, that feels so fucking good. Yes, please fist me…I love when you do that little twist when you’re fist is…..mmmm, Can I please, please, please, please, please Cum….don’t think I can hold off much longer….

Well, this little piece was a really nice way to clear my mind 😉 !

Good Books on BDSM

I was wondering if any of you had suggestions for good books that deal with BDSM. I’m talking about books that deal with the relationship aspect, and not necessarily erotica (although, do any of you think I’d honestly pass on erotica?). A book that sets up guidelines, would be great too. The books can be from the perspective of any of the possible players in a BDSM relationship. Thanks in advance ;)!

A New Start & Day 7 of My 30 Days of Kink

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I feel like I’m at a point of re-growth in my life. When my father died last year, it had a greater effect on me than I thought it would. Part of it, was that I realized that I didn’t know how long I have left on this Earth, and there are a hell of a lot of things that I want to do before my time is up. I also realized that I need to be more healthy, I don’t want to go down the same road as him.
I never really thought about my health until recently, don’t get me wrong I realized that I am overweight and I need to exercise more. What I didn’t realize was that in many ways I’d given up, I was in pain during every minute I was awake,and it had gotten to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night because I was in pain.
Pain is a tricky and wicked bitch; if it becomes a constant state, it will eventually leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. I know this to be true, because that’s what it did to me. I got to the point where I was only getting a few hours of sleep every few days, then pray that exhaustion would hit & I would get some sleep. The pain became so great I began to feel like my life had no quality to it; I wasn’t able to enjoy anything because I either hurt too damn much to enjoy it, or too fucking much to even attempt doing anything. By mid-February, I was in so much pain it was difficult to type…and let’s face it, it’s impossible to be a writer if you can’t write.
I have gained more weight since I got the news my shoulder joints were dying, then I’d care to admit. When the doctor told me 9 years ago that I wasn’t supposed to raise my arms over my head, pick up more than five pounds or carry my baby, I began to think my life was pointless. I was pissed because I felt like I’d already lost so much to MS (Multiple Sclerosis), it just fucking didn’t seem fair. What I didn’t see at the time was that it didn’t matter if it was fair or not, it was just the way things were. I quit trying.
But guess what? I recently remembered that this is my life, therefore it is my choice if I decide to let MS control my life & my answer: HELL FUCKING NO!!!!
I had surgery last week, and I’m still in pain and I have bruises all over my arm. I look like I was beaten and not in a fun way :(. Today, I went to my first physical therapy session and my surgical bandages were removed. The physical therapist was amazed to see how well I was doing; apparently, most people don’t have the range of motion that I’ve got this early on. I am the girl who was determined to walk by the night of my prom, and not only did I do that but I danced at that bitch too. Today, I realized that I’m still the girl who overcame quadriplegia and didn’t care what anyone thought about me showing up at my prom bald. Fuck ’em! If it took 27 doses of chemo & a little hair loss to get me back on my feet, then that’s what I was going to do!
Today, I AM TAKING MY LIFE BACK!!!!!! I am going to start eating the right foods and exercising,because I’ve still gotta a whole lot of life & a whole lot of fight in this body of mine. Plus,I’ve got a ton of sexual fantasies that I’ve not gotten to try yet. I’ve never been spanked while being fingered between each swat, sign me up! There’s a certain Dom that I’d like to meet up with,he eases my fears and lets me vent when I’m stressed out; he also makes me beg and say all kinds things that embarrass me,and throws in a little dash of humiliation on the side when I want to cum. He knows that even while I’m trying to protest & terribly embarrassed when I do these things,that my pussy is soaking wet and I’m on the edge of cuming.
So do I want to become more healthy for myself? Yes, of course. But you’ve got to admit all of the wonderful things we can try that keep running through my head, are a damn good source of motivation ;)!
Oh yeah,this also helps me explain the question for DAY 7 OF MY 30 DAYS OF KINK
My favorite sex toy is my brain …..yep, my brain! If my Dom has me describe a fantasy in explicit detail or what happened the last time that I came, there’s no sex toy that can compete with that in my book. How else can I go from being in the middle of a gang bang, licking the juice out of someone’s pussy, and then been fucked in all three holes within a matter of minutes?

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Day 6 in My 30 Days of Kink

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Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
That’s easy: Have a guy in the Klan fall so in love with my chocolate covered cherry, he donates a small fortune to the United Negro College Fund. Okay, I’m just joking…but, you’ve got to admit that would be a totally intoxicating amount of power. Perhaps I do have a little bit of Domanitrix in me; I’m not even going to try and analyze that tidbit.
I honestly can’t think of any weird or interesting fantasies that I have, they’re all pretty much run of the mill things that you can read in any piece of erotica. I don’t know if this is because it is still difficult to admit my sexual desires, let alone have them stay in my mind long enough to create a fantasy.
Generally, my fantasies consist of your basic two guys and one girl, two girls and one guy, several guys and one girl type of thing. I guess my weirdest fantasy isn’t weird because other people don’t have it, but it’s weird because I want it given my history.
So, here it goes: I want to have my Dom blindfold me, and then take me into a room with a bed. Then I want him to tie me up to the bed; I briefly want him to take the blindfold off of my eyes, and then tell me what’s about to happen. I guess, I need to know that whatever happens, he’ll be there to protect and monitor me…he’ll of course be able to tell if I’m being triggered in someway, and will put a stop to everything.
Then I want my Dom to tie my ass up to the bed & let the fun begin….I want to have sex with at least three men at one time, I want the blindfold on so that I don’t know who’s touching me, when or where. I’m talking fucked hard, well at least the first time ;)…hopefully, it won’t trigger me and if it doesn’t then I think I’d like to try it when I can see what’s going on and I can move freely. But, that’s really a pretty common fantasy.
Hey boys and girls, guess what…I did think of a weird fantasy…I’d like to combine my to loves…SEX & BOOKS ;). I’d like to have sex in a bookstore, preferably when it’s closed (in case a certain Dom is reading this post)…I’d like to have butt ass wild sex on a table with books all around me. Or, we could always go at it in the romance/erotica section….can you imagine it??? He could bend me over some of the furniture that they keep in bookstores…spank my with a nice hardback copy of Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns…-