Day 13 of My 30 Days of Kink


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
I guess the biggest things that draw me into BDSM are the: open communication, the amount of trust that is developed between partners, the sense of protection and care you feel as a submissive, and the reward of knowing (and HEARING) that you’ve done something to please your Dom/Master…..this a big one for me, to actually have the person tell me they appreciate, care for me, the freedom to express my sexual needs/desires without judgment, the fact that a Dom/Master is paying attention to the slightest detail & is even able to pick up on things that arouse me that I might not be ready to admit, and then providing the little nudges along the way to help me expand my comfort zone, and the biggest reason (besides the awesome sexual reactions that have) is that I feel safe, like there is someone who has my best interest at heart, who will be there when I feel the utmost despair, share in the celebration when I’ve achieved a goal, and knows when I just need comfort
One a sexual level I’m drawn to the following aspects of BDSM/Kink: I love that my fantasies are discussed and validated, having my hands bound is like receiving a pound of Godiva chocolate…yes please, anytime ;), I have fantasized about being spanked in a sexual/erotic way for quite sometime, as someone who has a ton of guilt/same associated with things of a sexual nature (funny, I didn’t attend any catholic schools until college) it is amazing to have someone “tell you what to do”/ be in control, I know he’s not going to have me do anything that would be psychologically traumatic & honestly it probably would be stuff that I Really want to do but am too embarrassed to admit, ASS PLAY is there really anything more I need to say about that except, oh hell yeah….
Why am I drawn to what I’m drawn to? Well all I can say about the sexual things is that I’m drawn to them, because I rather enjoy the orgasms that they produce *BLUSHING*! I would say that I’m drawn to the emotional aspects for several reasons: a week after my 16th birthday, I decided that my dad had beaten me for the last time, so I was bounced around from shelter, foster homes,being a runaway, group home & then back to them for a short time while I was a quadriplegic…when I was removed from my home because my mom chose my dad, I realized I was the only person that I could truly count on…BDSM enables me to know that I’ll be cared for, it is afterall the essence of a BDSM relationship. And as I said earlier, it allows me to share//do all of the wonderful freaky things I can think of.



A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. ...

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. This was a featured picture of Lady Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This post could’ve been written by me, it explains the dilemma that a sub faces….it also helps explain what I mean when I say that being a submissive is freeing. I know that some of you reading this are wondering how I can say being a submissive is freeing, when the act of submitting requires a sub to given in to their Dom’s wishes. It means that you are willing giving control over to your Dom. But that is exactly why it is freeing to me.

You see, the first time that I ever had sex was at a leadership conference. I had gotten onto the elevator with a friend that I’d met at the conference, I didn’t even consider that I could be putting myself in a dangerous situation. I did. As soon as we got off of the elevator, the guy that I was with started trying to get me to have sex with him. I thought that he would leave me alone when I told him no, I was very wrong.

Instead, he pulled out a knife and placed it against my throat; I knew I was getting ready to be raped, but I didn’t know if I was going to live. In that instant, I decided to do whatever was required of me in order to ensure I survived. It turns out the rape wasn’t the worst thing that happened to me that day, the worst thing was the way my body reacted to the sexual stimulation. I was horrified by what the person who I’d thought was a friend, was doing to me. But that afternoon my body betrayed me.

That day, my body enjoyed the sexual stimulation. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of guilt and shame I’ve felt over the years because of this. I would always wonder what in the hell was wrong with me; something had to be wrong with me, if my body enjoyed the touch of my rapist. It wasn’t until last year, that I realized it wasn’t the touch of a rapist I enjoyed….my body enjoyed being touched in a way that it was designed to react to and enjoy, at least if the human race is supposed to survive. Here’s the rub: I still feel guilt at times.

For 20 years, I felt like I had to be in charge and in control of every reaction my body had to sexual stimulation. If I had mind shattering sex, and gave into my body, not giving my reaction a second thought….I was wrecked with guilt. I felt guilty because I’d alllowed myself to lose control.

If I give over control to a Dom, all I’m required to do is enjoy the way my body feels. I don’t feel guilt because the decision is out of my hands; my only decision is do I trust my Dom to protect and care for me…do I trust that my Dom is looking after me with care and concern….that’s it, that’s the only decision I’m responsible for. Does a Dom push me? Hell yes, he pushes me. He pushes the limits of what I find sexually acceptable, and he makes me feel wonderful. Because I choose to give over my power to him, he’s able to pry my true sexual desires out of me. He’s able to get me to move beyond my comfort level and try new things…..he’s able to get me so worked up, that I crave his touch.

I still feel guilt and shame about my sexual desires, but somehow he’s also able to ease them.