As you can tell if you’ve been reading my posts, I am in the middle of combining several blogs that I started. I will now be posting erotic book and toy reviews on my blog. I’m excited about becoming a sex toy reviewer ;). I will also be posting pieces that I’ve written or am currently working on. Most Importantly: I will be blogging about BDSM, Daddy/babygirl Relationships, Polyamory, and Getting Your Kink On When You Have a Disability.
I will also be starting a question and answer segment, so if there any questions about BDSM that you’ve been dying to ask since you read 50 Shades, then I’m your girl. I will caution you though, and say that bdsm in the real world isn’t “really” like 50 Shades. There are a ton of different relationships that fall under the BDSM umbrella, and then there are people who just like to get freaky every once in a blue moon.
I have Multiple Sclerosis, and seeing as how this is MS Awareness month I decided to checkout the resources available to us kinky disabled folks. Sadly, there wasn’t as many as I’d hoped & some that looked promising had simply died out. So, I feel like I need to take one for the team and be the “Official Disabled Sexy Toy Testing Goddess”. I will do my duty & serve my community proudly; I will face the day, one toy at a time ;).
I will also be discussing polyamory, because I have recently begun a poly relationship. If someone had asked me about being poly five years ago, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. I’ve changed a lot in that time. I’ve learned that it’s important to be loved unconditionally & be happy, for me that happens to be as a member of a triad…and Daddy’s babygirl.
It’s been an interesting week to say the least; the truth is out and now it’s decision making time, except I’m not really sure what choice I should make. My husband asked me what kind of marriage did I want, I said open. I love my husband but I’m not “in love” with him right now; we’ve both changed over the last 18 yrs, in someways I think we changed roles.
When we met I was 18, and had discovered I was pregnant a few weeks earlier. We actually became friends in the first place because I would talk to him while I would wait for my fiancé at his dorm. The more we talked the more I found him attractive, but nothing happened until after I broke up with my daughter’s father. In someways he was my knight in shining armor; when my mom went to the other side of the country in order to leave my dad, I was left with no family and a two month
old. He was my rock. When I was totally freaked out and stressed, his family watched my daughter so I could have a few days to try and wrap my head around things.
He saw me at my worst, but he still loved me. God knows I tested him more than any person should ever be tested; I had to know that he wouldn’t beat me or my child, I wasn’t going to repeat my childhood. I can say with complete honesty that he has never physical hurt me, or any of the children.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way my needs changed and I discovered I would actually like someone to hurt me in a BDSM way. I can’t say if this is just a phase and next week I’ll want something different. Although, it’s been my desire for over a year & a half….way before the Fifty Shades of Grey craze. It is also all but impossible for me to respond to him as a Dom; I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work.
One of the reasons I love him, is because he truly knows my (which also makes it easier for him to hurt me). While we were laying on the bed talking about things, and he was trying to get me to stop crying he said something that I’ve thought from time to time.
You know, you were jerked out of high school before your class even graduated. Then you were thrust into college & you got pregnant. If you think about it there are a lot of things you never got to experience. Then he said that maybe I needed some space so that I could experience those things.
I’ve been living under the cloud of all types of abuse until last year, when I decided it was time for me to heal. Maybe, all of these changes have occurred within me because I’m finally strong enough to shovel through the crap. In my everyday lives I’m am strong and always fighting to keep moving towards the goal. However when it comes to things of a sexual nature, I find it more gratifying and freeing when I am being submissive.
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to understand and learn about my true submissive nature; hell, to be honest I’m not even sure what all turns me on or what all is out there. Through my “mentoring”, I’ve discovered that I apparently like a little shame, humiliation & guilt. I’m also learning that you can like things in varying degrees. I also have a Domme side, but generally is only arousing to me in terms of being with another woman. I already knew I loved orgasm control and have been exploring this aspect as well.
I’ve also learned some things about my sexual preferences that I am not altogether comfortable with, and have had ideas, vids or discussions that have triggered negative reactions. These negative reactions correlate to things that I’ve recently identified in therapy.
It’s nice to have someone who will push me when I try and change the subject because I’m uncomfortable. It’s not such a great feeling when I upset the person that I’m working with,I’ve always hated disappointing people so maybe thats the submissive in me.
This journey is nowhere near complete, and I know that it’s going to have some really rough parts (like trying to figure out what type of marriage I’m going to be in), but I’m also going to learn who I really am, what I do and don’t like, and hopefully get to a point where I’m comfortable with the fact that I
really like, love sex.
Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
I guess the biggest things that draw me into BDSM are the: open communication, the amount of trust that is developed between partners, the sense of protection and care you feel as a submissive, and the reward of knowing (and HEARING) that you’ve done something to please your Dom/Master…..this a big one for me, to actually have the person tell me they appreciate, care for me, the freedom to express my sexual needs/desires without judgment, the fact that a Dom/Master is paying attention to the slightest detail & is even able to pick up on things that arouse me that I might not be ready to admit, and then providing the little nudges along the way to help me expand my comfort zone, and the biggest reason (besides the awesome sexual reactions that have) is that I feel safe, like there is someone who has my best interest at heart, who will be there when I feel the utmost despair, share in the celebration when I’ve achieved a goal, and knows when I just need comfort
One a sexual level I’m drawn to the following aspects of BDSM/Kink: I love that my fantasies are discussed and validated, having my hands bound is like receiving a pound of Godiva chocolate…yes please, anytime ;), I have fantasized about being spanked in a sexual/erotic way for quite sometime, as someone who has a ton of guilt/same associated with things of a sexual nature (funny, I didn’t attend any catholic schools until college) it is amazing to have someone “tell you what to do”/ be in control, I know he’s not going to have me do anything that would be psychologically traumatic & honestly it probably would be stuff that I Really want to do but am too embarrassed to admit, ASS PLAY is there really anything more I need to say about that except, oh hell yeah….
Why am I drawn to what I’m drawn to? Well all I can say about the sexual things is that I’m drawn to them, because I rather enjoy the orgasms that they produce *BLUSHING*! I would say that I’m drawn to the emotional aspects for several reasons: a week after my 16th birthday, I decided that my dad had beaten me for the last time, so I was bounced around from shelter, foster homes,being a runaway, group home & then back to them for a short time while I was a quadriplegic…when I was removed from my home because my mom chose my dad, I realized I was the only person that I could truly count on…BDSM enables me to know that I’ll be cared for, it is afterall the essence of a BDSM relationship. And as I said earlier, it allows me to share//do all of the wonderful freaky things I can think of.
Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
That’s easy: Have a guy in the Klan fall so in love with my chocolate covered cherry, he donates a small fortune to the United Negro College Fund. Okay, I’m just joking…but, you’ve got to admit that would be a totally intoxicating amount of power. Perhaps I do have a little bit of Domanitrix in me; I’m not even going to try and analyze that tidbit.
I honestly can’t think of any weird or interesting fantasies that I have, they’re all pretty much run of the mill things that you can read in any piece of erotica. I don’t know if this is because it is still difficult to admit my sexual desires, let alone have them stay in my mind long enough to create a fantasy.
Generally, my fantasies consist of your basic two guys and one girl, two girls and one guy, several guys and one girl type of thing. I guess my weirdest fantasy isn’t weird because other people don’t have it, but it’s weird because I want it given my history.
So, here it goes: I want to have my Dom blindfold me, and then take me into a room with a bed. Then I want him to tie me up to the bed; I briefly want him to take the blindfold off of my eyes, and then tell me what’s about to happen. I guess, I need to know that whatever happens, he’ll be there to protect and monitor me…he’ll of course be able to tell if I’m being triggered in someway, and will put a stop to everything.
Then I want my Dom to tie my ass up to the bed & let the fun begin….I want to have sex with at least three men at one time, I want the blindfold on so that I don’t know who’s touching me, when or where. I’m talking fucked hard, well at least the first time ;)…hopefully, it won’t trigger me and if it doesn’t then I think I’d like to try it when I can see what’s going on and I can move freely. But, that’s really a pretty common fantasy.
Hey boys and girls, guess what…I did think of a weird fantasy…I’d like to combine my to loves…SEX & BOOKS ;). I’d like to have sex in a bookstore, preferably when it’s closed (in case a certain Dom is reading this post)…I’d like to have butt ass wild sex on a table with books all around me. Or, we could always go at it in the romance/erotica section….can you imagine it??? He could bend me over some of the furniture that they keep in bookstores…spank my with a nice hardback copy of Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns…-
Standard nipple piercings. East Bay CA Deutsch: Gepiercte weibliche Brustwarzen (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.
Well, this summer I was able to spend a little one-on-one time with a female “friends w/benefits”…..I’d by lying if I didn’t say it was an AMAZING experience, because it was. I wasn’t able to taste her wonderful pussy that day, due to an act of nature ;). But that really didn’t bother me, because one of the things that I fantasized about the most, was taking her beautiful peach nipples into my mouth…hell, looking at the contrast of her pale mouth wrapped around my nipple was enough to make me wet!!!
But, that’s not the kinky experience that I crave….I CRAVE BEING WITH A DOM!!!!! I want to sit before him on my knees, with the bottoms of my feet touching my ass. I want him to take my head into his hands and turn my face up too look into his eyes. I want to hear him say that the way I presented myself to him was beautiful. Then I want him to lean down and kiss me; I want him to pull me up & place a blindfold type item over my eyes,then lead me to a bench or bed. Then I want him to place me in position to use a flogger on my ass and pussy, sliding his fingers into my wet hole in an unpredictable pattern. I want him to take me right to the precipice of cumming, and then stop touching me completely. Then I want my master to leave me in that position for a few minutes, allowing my mind to wander and imagine all of the things he’s about to do to me, to the body I’m offering up to him to use as he sees fit.
When he slides his finger into my wet hole, I can feel my muscles clench around his fingers. I try to cover my face so he can’t see how embarrassed I am about being so wet. Then as he’s shoving more fingers in and out of my juices, he tells me not to be embarrassed because he loves the gift that I’m giving to him. He can tell that I’m holding back,trying not to cum. As he leans down to nip my neck, he whispers into my ear that he knows what I’m trying to do, but I need to be prepared because he’s going to have me screaming his name when he makes me cum in a few minutes
- Popping Anal Cherries (lasvegasmasseuse.wordpress.com)
- I really love the way this came out. (themusingsofasub.wordpress.com)
- ..Lay back and trust me.. (colorfulromance.wordpress.com)
- Day 2 in My 30 Days of Kink (themusingsofasub.wordpress.com)