Day 13 of My 30 Days of Kink


Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
I guess the biggest things that draw me into BDSM are the: open communication, the amount of trust that is developed between partners, the sense of protection and care you feel as a submissive, and the reward of knowing (and HEARING) that you’ve done something to please your Dom/Master…..this a big one for me, to actually have the person tell me they appreciate, care for me, the freedom to express my sexual needs/desires without judgment, the fact that a Dom/Master is paying attention to the slightest detail & is even able to pick up on things that arouse me that I might not be ready to admit, and then providing the little nudges along the way to help me expand my comfort zone, and the biggest reason (besides the awesome sexual reactions that have) is that I feel safe, like there is someone who has my best interest at heart, who will be there when I feel the utmost despair, share in the celebration when I’ve achieved a goal, and knows when I just need comfort
One a sexual level I’m drawn to the following aspects of BDSM/Kink: I love that my fantasies are discussed and validated, having my hands bound is like receiving a pound of Godiva chocolate…yes please, anytime ;), I have fantasized about being spanked in a sexual/erotic way for quite sometime, as someone who has a ton of guilt/same associated with things of a sexual nature (funny, I didn’t attend any catholic schools until college) it is amazing to have someone “tell you what to do”/ be in control, I know he’s not going to have me do anything that would be psychologically traumatic & honestly it probably would be stuff that I Really want to do but am too embarrassed to admit, ASS PLAY is there really anything more I need to say about that except, oh hell yeah….
Why am I drawn to what I’m drawn to? Well all I can say about the sexual things is that I’m drawn to them, because I rather enjoy the orgasms that they produce *BLUSHING*! I would say that I’m drawn to the emotional aspects for several reasons: a week after my 16th birthday, I decided that my dad had beaten me for the last time, so I was bounced around from shelter, foster homes,being a runaway, group home & then back to them for a short time while I was a quadriplegic…when I was removed from my home because my mom chose my dad, I realized I was the only person that I could truly count on…BDSM enables me to know that I’ll be cared for, it is afterall the essence of a BDSM relationship. And as I said earlier, it allows me to share//do all of the wonderful freaky things I can think of.

Day 4 in My 30 Days of Kink


Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hinted at your kinks?

I think that this is the hardest question that I’ve had to answer so far, in my 30 Days of Kink series. It’s not because I’m having a difficult time remembering any early experiences that might have hinted at my future kinkiness. While I’ve made HUGE strides towards accepting my sexual desires and trying to reclaim and embrace my sexuality, I’d be lying if I said I’d overcome all the shame that I feel too.
****Takes Deep Breath****
I can remember finding an old copy of one my dad’s Playboy’s, and carefully studying the poses of the models that were pictured. I remember thinking that I had to learn how to copy those poses exactly, because I wanted to make sure that the boys I hung-out with liked them. I should’ve prefaced this by saying I was the biggest tomboy around, but I can still remember striking the naked poses for my friends. I didn’t know at the time that the behavior I was participating in was sexual, but I can still recall the pleasure I felt at making them happy….and I can remember the amazing things I felt when they touched me.
As a teenager, a friend and I had a mutual attraction to one another but we were so good of friends, we never wanted to take the chance of messing up our friendship. However, that didn’t stop us from frequently enjoying mutual masturbation sessions on the bus….and yes, it was a rush to know we were doing these things in public.
But, the biggest thing that I can think of as a sign that hinted at my kinkiness, was the fact that I used to write erotica. The stories didn’t include any instances where BDSM occurred, but at the time it wasn’t a common thing for 8th and 9th grade students to write erotic stories. Although, as I think about it I’m wondering if my stories weren’t another part of my sexually submissive nature. My friends would give me requests for subject matter, and while I obviously enjoyed writing the stories and the way I physically felt while writing them….that was nothing compared to the feelings I got when I saw the pleasure on the face of the person who requested the story.
I haven’t written any erotic material since before I realized/admitted to myself, that I was sexually submissive….but, I’m sure if someone requested one I would jump on it 😉