The Payment Series
CASSANDRA CARR

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Prized: The Payment series, part 1
After agreeing to a one-year term of service with a benefactor who can pay her debt, Catrina Carter begins training in how to please a man. But will a benefactor be willing to spend such an astronomical sum-one hundred and fifty thousand dollars-just to have her for a year? She’s about to find out.

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Possessed: The Payment series, part 2
Jared, Catrina’s “benefactor”, has agreed to pay off her debt in exchange for one year of service to him. In addition to taking his own pleasure with her, Jared offers Catrina to friends, colleagues, and even total strangers on his whim. But it’s not all fun and pleasure for Jared. As part of the agreement, he’s tasked with helping Catrina get her life back on track. He’ll succeed even if he has to spank every piece of financial information into her, and he finds he just might have to do that.
 

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Purgatory: The Payment series, part 3
Catrina has finished her year-long term of service to Jared, her benefactor, who paid all her debt off. Now she’s on her own again. Will she be able to keep the lessons Jared literally spanked into her topmost in her mind, or will old habits rear their designer heads?

Author bio
Cassandra Carr is a multi-award winning erotic romance writer with Ellora’s Cave, Sybarite Seductions/Twenty or Less Press, Decadent Publishing, Siren Publishing, and Loose Id. She lives in Western New York with her husband, Inspiration, and her daughter, Too Cute for Words. When not writing she enjoys watching hockey and hanging out online. Cassandra is the co-founder of two successful group blogs, Romancing the Jock and Dirty Birdies, and participates in several others as a contributor. Currently Cassandra also serves as president of Western New York Romance Writers.
For more information about Cassandra, check out her  website,  “like” her  Facebook fan page  or follow her on  Twitter .

Links:
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Undeserved Sorrow

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It’s funny, my dad is dead but I’ve thought about him all day long; last yr on Father’s Day I felt so much anger towards him, I posted a facebook status that wished all fathers a happy day except for my own. Last night, a very wise Dom told me that I wasn’t really sad because my dad’s not here, but that I was sad because my dad wasn’t the father that he should’ve been.
It’s true, all these months that I’ve been mourning my father, but I’ve not been mourning the man who died on September 21, 2012. Lately, the song Somebody that I Used to Know/em>; has been the one that comes to mind, and slips through my lips when I’m experiencing my deepest moments of anguish.
I guess it’s kind of fitting that this song represents the two most important men in my life, my father and my husband. In the beginning they were both the forces that could make the sun shine in my life, now they’re the forces that bring the storms and clouds. Perhaps, I put them both on pedestals that would’ve been difficult for any man to remain on; in actuality, I think the tainted love that my father created in my life found a way to seep into other relationships.
After all, my dad was one of the biggest influences on my deciding to pursue my husband. I wanted to be with someone who was as different from my dad as possible, my pale redheaded husband is about as different as I could get from my brown skinned dad. Growing up in in my father’s house I learned one thing for sure, I wouldn’t marry a man who would beat me or my children. My father taught me how to fight, no it may not have been during a scheduled lesson, but I learned how to kick some ass from him. Hey, a girl only lets a bat get broken on her back once. At the time I took it as a compliment when my mom was driving my 17 yr old self back to the place where I was staying, and she said, “Girl, you really know how to fight. You didn’t just scratch and claw, you were punching him!”
Today as I think about that afternoon, I realize how entirely fucked up it was for my mom to compliment me on my fighting skills. It’s those situations that led to all the tests that my husband had to pass. To be completely honest, I would’ve left my ass; there’s no way in hell I would’ve tolerated someone throwing raw chicken at my ass. It would’ve been on, like Donkey Kong. The first time someone would’ve thrown something at me or used their hands to strike my body, that would’ve been the end.
But, somehow he was able to see beneath all the hurt and anger; he knew I was a diamond in the rough. I guess that’s part of why it’s been so painful to go throw all of the shit we’re going through right now. He loved me at a point when I didn’t truly love myself; he helped me grow into the woman that I am today. Unfortunately, now that I’m stronger I am able to see things more clearly; I am able to see through all the manipulative bullshit that he tries. My dad was the king of manipulative behavior, I’m just surprised it took me so long to see what was right in front of me.
I guess since it’s father’s day I should thank my dad for all of the wonderful things that he taught me, I’ve got a feeling my list is going to be a little different from my friends lists’. Here we go. THINGS THAT MY DAD TAUGHT ME:
1. No man better ever hit me, and if he does there’s no need to apologize because I’ll be gone
2. Be careful what you say, because you never know how the other person is going to throw it back in your face
3. Just because someone seems nice and loving in public that doesn’t mean that’s their true self
4. Size up your opponent, look for their weakness, give them a strong right hook & then kick them in the nuts if you have to
5. No matter what I do, it’s never going to be good enough for you
6. The people you love are the one’s who can hurt you the most
7. That I should be ashamed of my body
8. I’m going to grow up to be a worthless whore, that no one will ever love
9. If someone is choking you, hold your breath and the might actually believe they’ve killed you…in my case it did make him quit choking me
10.it’s possible for the person that you love the most in the entire world, to tell you they’re thinking about killing you and then themselves
11. Any time that I experience sexual pleasure, I should also feel shame & guilt…although, I’m not entirely sure if you wanted me to experience shame & guilt or just not have sexual pleasure

That wise Dom is correct, I am NOT sad because you are gone. I am sad because the father I loved died the first time that he beat me. I guess I spent the rest of my life hoping that somehow, someway, that amazing man would resurface; and to be completely fair, he did show up from time to time.
I remember when I was going to graduate from college (it was my first graduation, the quadriplegia kind of fucked up that whole high school thing for me), I didn’t have enough money to buy my cap and gown. He sent me the money, even though he knew he wouldn’t be allowed to attend.
I also have fond memories of things that he did with his grandchildren, taking them fishing, buying them clothes, taking them to the zoo. He even barbecued for one of his grandchildren’s birthdays; on a hot and sweaty July day, he didn’t complain when he had to cook on two grills, using separate tools so that our Muslim friends would be able to celebrate with us.
I’m mourning these brief glimpses of time, when he was that AMAZING man. I’m sad that that man died when I was in fifth grade, but I’m also sad that it took me until today to realize it. Since my father’s no longer here, I will never know why he changed. There are times that I wish he were still here so I could ask him, what the fuck happened?
I want to know how a person can go from being the most amazing father one day, and become a horrific monster the next. I’ve tried to examine everything that occurred and see if there were any common factors, besides me of course. I’m pretty sure his problem was me & anyone with a cock. Maybe, he thought I’d remain a virgin for the rest of my life….his beatings had the opposite effect, they sent me into the arms of anyone who showed me love.

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Somebody That I Used To Know

Day 13 of My 30 Days of Kink

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Day 13: Explain as best you can what the appeal of kink/BDSM is to you? Why are you drawn to what you’re drawn to?
I guess the biggest things that draw me into BDSM are the: open communication, the amount of trust that is developed between partners, the sense of protection and care you feel as a submissive, and the reward of knowing (and HEARING) that you’ve done something to please your Dom/Master…..this a big one for me, to actually have the person tell me they appreciate, care for me, the freedom to express my sexual needs/desires without judgment, the fact that a Dom/Master is paying attention to the slightest detail & is even able to pick up on things that arouse me that I might not be ready to admit, and then providing the little nudges along the way to help me expand my comfort zone, and the biggest reason (besides the awesome sexual reactions that have) is that I feel safe, like there is someone who has my best interest at heart, who will be there when I feel the utmost despair, share in the celebration when I’ve achieved a goal, and knows when I just need comfort
One a sexual level I’m drawn to the following aspects of BDSM/Kink: I love that my fantasies are discussed and validated, having my hands bound is like receiving a pound of Godiva chocolate…yes please, anytime ;), I have fantasized about being spanked in a sexual/erotic way for quite sometime, as someone who has a ton of guilt/same associated with things of a sexual nature (funny, I didn’t attend any catholic schools until college) it is amazing to have someone “tell you what to do”/ be in control, I know he’s not going to have me do anything that would be psychologically traumatic & honestly it probably would be stuff that I Really want to do but am too embarrassed to admit, ASS PLAY is there really anything more I need to say about that except, oh hell yeah….
Why am I drawn to what I’m drawn to? Well all I can say about the sexual things is that I’m drawn to them, because I rather enjoy the orgasms that they produce *BLUSHING*! I would say that I’m drawn to the emotional aspects for several reasons: a week after my 16th birthday, I decided that my dad had beaten me for the last time, so I was bounced around from shelter, foster homes,being a runaway, group home & then back to them for a short time while I was a quadriplegic…when I was removed from my home because my mom chose my dad, I realized I was the only person that I could truly count on…BDSM enables me to know that I’ll be cared for, it is afterall the essence of a BDSM relationship. And as I said earlier, it allows me to share//do all of the wonderful freaky things I can think of.

Day 10 of My 30 Days of Kink

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Day 10: What are your hard limits?
Hmmmm, no activities that involve urine, feces or blood!! There is no way in hell that I’m going to partake in these things, sorry…for obvious reasons, I have a hard limit against extreme degradation & humiliation. I LOVE animals,but not in my sexual activities. I had a guy tell me he wanted me to be his nigger whore; I guess since I blocked his ass, that would be a hard limit. I don’t like guns, so anything involving that would be a big hell, fucking no on my part. I am not a fan of chocking and I don’t want to have someone make me pass out.
It’s really hard for me to say what I absolutely will not do, since I’m still quite new to the lifestyle (well, at least the acting on my desires part).

A New Start & Day 7 of My 30 Days of Kink

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I feel like I’m at a point of re-growth in my life. When my father died last year, it had a greater effect on me than I thought it would. Part of it, was that I realized that I didn’t know how long I have left on this Earth, and there are a hell of a lot of things that I want to do before my time is up. I also realized that I need to be more healthy, I don’t want to go down the same road as him.
I never really thought about my health until recently, don’t get me wrong I realized that I am overweight and I need to exercise more. What I didn’t realize was that in many ways I’d given up, I was in pain during every minute I was awake,and it had gotten to the point where I was waking up in the middle of the night because I was in pain.
Pain is a tricky and wicked bitch; if it becomes a constant state, it will eventually leave you feeling defeated and hopeless. I know this to be true, because that’s what it did to me. I got to the point where I was only getting a few hours of sleep every few days, then pray that exhaustion would hit & I would get some sleep. The pain became so great I began to feel like my life had no quality to it; I wasn’t able to enjoy anything because I either hurt too damn much to enjoy it, or too fucking much to even attempt doing anything. By mid-February, I was in so much pain it was difficult to type…and let’s face it, it’s impossible to be a writer if you can’t write.
I have gained more weight since I got the news my shoulder joints were dying, then I’d care to admit. When the doctor told me 9 years ago that I wasn’t supposed to raise my arms over my head, pick up more than five pounds or carry my baby, I began to think my life was pointless. I was pissed because I felt like I’d already lost so much to MS (Multiple Sclerosis), it just fucking didn’t seem fair. What I didn’t see at the time was that it didn’t matter if it was fair or not, it was just the way things were. I quit trying.
But guess what? I recently remembered that this is my life, therefore it is my choice if I decide to let MS control my life & my answer: HELL FUCKING NO!!!!
I had surgery last week, and I’m still in pain and I have bruises all over my arm. I look like I was beaten and not in a fun way :(. Today, I went to my first physical therapy session and my surgical bandages were removed. The physical therapist was amazed to see how well I was doing; apparently, most people don’t have the range of motion that I’ve got this early on. I am the girl who was determined to walk by the night of my prom, and not only did I do that but I danced at that bitch too. Today, I realized that I’m still the girl who overcame quadriplegia and didn’t care what anyone thought about me showing up at my prom bald. Fuck ’em! If it took 27 doses of chemo & a little hair loss to get me back on my feet, then that’s what I was going to do!
Today, I AM TAKING MY LIFE BACK!!!!!! I am going to start eating the right foods and exercising,because I’ve still gotta a whole lot of life & a whole lot of fight in this body of mine. Plus,I’ve got a ton of sexual fantasies that I’ve not gotten to try yet. I’ve never been spanked while being fingered between each swat, sign me up! There’s a certain Dom that I’d like to meet up with,he eases my fears and lets me vent when I’m stressed out; he also makes me beg and say all kinds things that embarrass me,and throws in a little dash of humiliation on the side when I want to cum. He knows that even while I’m trying to protest & terribly embarrassed when I do these things,that my pussy is soaking wet and I’m on the edge of cuming.
So do I want to become more healthy for myself? Yes, of course. But you’ve got to admit all of the wonderful things we can try that keep running through my head, are a damn good source of motivation ;)!
Oh yeah,this also helps me explain the question for DAY 7 OF MY 30 DAYS OF KINK
My favorite sex toy is my brain …..yep, my brain! If my Dom has me describe a fantasy in explicit detail or what happened the last time that I came, there’s no sex toy that can compete with that in my book. How else can I go from being in the middle of a gang bang, licking the juice out of someone’s pussy, and then been fucked in all three holes within a matter of minutes?

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Day 6 in My 30 Days of Kink

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Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
That’s easy: Have a guy in the Klan fall so in love with my chocolate covered cherry, he donates a small fortune to the United Negro College Fund. Okay, I’m just joking…but, you’ve got to admit that would be a totally intoxicating amount of power. Perhaps I do have a little bit of Domanitrix in me; I’m not even going to try and analyze that tidbit.
I honestly can’t think of any weird or interesting fantasies that I have, they’re all pretty much run of the mill things that you can read in any piece of erotica. I don’t know if this is because it is still difficult to admit my sexual desires, let alone have them stay in my mind long enough to create a fantasy.
Generally, my fantasies consist of your basic two guys and one girl, two girls and one guy, several guys and one girl type of thing. I guess my weirdest fantasy isn’t weird because other people don’t have it, but it’s weird because I want it given my history.
So, here it goes: I want to have my Dom blindfold me, and then take me into a room with a bed. Then I want him to tie me up to the bed; I briefly want him to take the blindfold off of my eyes, and then tell me what’s about to happen. I guess, I need to know that whatever happens, he’ll be there to protect and monitor me…he’ll of course be able to tell if I’m being triggered in someway, and will put a stop to everything.
Then I want my Dom to tie my ass up to the bed & let the fun begin….I want to have sex with at least three men at one time, I want the blindfold on so that I don’t know who’s touching me, when or where. I’m talking fucked hard, well at least the first time ;)…hopefully, it won’t trigger me and if it doesn’t then I think I’d like to try it when I can see what’s going on and I can move freely. But, that’s really a pretty common fantasy.
Hey boys and girls, guess what…I did think of a weird fantasy…I’d like to combine my to loves…SEX & BOOKS ;). I’d like to have sex in a bookstore, preferably when it’s closed (in case a certain Dom is reading this post)…I’d like to have butt ass wild sex on a table with books all around me. Or, we could always go at it in the romance/erotica section….can you imagine it??? He could bend me over some of the furniture that they keep in bookstores…spank my with a nice hardback copy of Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns…-