Phoenix Rising…I hope ;)

I’m sure most of you knew that a divorce was in my future, surprisingly from my perspective it didn’t really have anything to do with my need/desire to incorporate BDSM into my life. My husband and I grew apart. He became so wrapped up in his goal to complete his Master’s Degree, he put everything else on the back burner. No one, or nothing was as important as what he was doing….at least to him, and it hasn’t only been his relationship with me that has suffered.

I got pregnant with my oldest daughter at 18, during my second year of college. I started dating my husband shortly before she was born, I was 19. I have & haven’t been on my own before so I’m a little nervous about what it will be like once our divorce is final. I know you’re trying to figure out how it’s possible to be & not to be on my own, so I will try to explain. I grew up in a house where abuse occurred. A week after my 16th birthday, my father beat me with a baseball bat. The next week on New Year’s, my resolution was to never let him hit me again. I’ve been in shelters, foster care, group homes, a runaway so I have been in situations where I was on my own. The difference is that I didn’t have anyone else to take care of, and I can’t screw this up.

I am still a submissive, I know that now more than ever. I also know that I can only be submissive with the right person. I have a better understanding of what my limits are than I did a year ago, and I know that I am much stronger than I once thought. A lot of people think that D/s relationships are all about sex, but in my case I know that it’s about trust, love, caring and commitment.

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