Why BDSM

 

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. ...

A BDSM-style collar that buckles in the back. This was a featured picture of Lady Byron (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

 

http://themusingsofasub.wordpress.com/2012/04/21/dilemma/

This post could’ve been written by me, it explains the dilemma that a sub faces….it also helps explain what I mean when I say that being a submissive is freeing. I know that some of you reading this are wondering how I can say being a submissive is freeing, when the act of submitting requires a sub to given in to their Dom’s wishes. It means that you are willing giving control over to your Dom. But that is exactly why it is freeing to me.

You see, the first time that I ever had sex was at a leadership conference. I had gotten onto the elevator with a friend that I’d met at the conference, I didn’t even consider that I could be putting myself in a dangerous situation. I did. As soon as we got off of the elevator, the guy that I was with started trying to get me to have sex with him. I thought that he would leave me alone when I told him no, I was very wrong.

Instead, he pulled out a knife and placed it against my throat; I knew I was getting ready to be raped, but I didn’t know if I was going to live. In that instant, I decided to do whatever was required of me in order to ensure I survived. It turns out the rape wasn’t the worst thing that happened to me that day, the worst thing was the way my body reacted to the sexual stimulation. I was horrified by what the person who I’d thought was a friend, was doing to me. But that afternoon my body betrayed me.

That day, my body enjoyed the sexual stimulation. I can’t even begin to tell you the amount of guilt and shame I’ve felt over the years because of this. I would always wonder what in the hell was wrong with me; something had to be wrong with me, if my body enjoyed the touch of my rapist. It wasn’t until last year, that I realized it wasn’t the touch of a rapist I enjoyed….my body enjoyed being touched in a way that it was designed to react to and enjoy, at least if the human race is supposed to survive. Here’s the rub: I still feel guilt at times.

For 20 years, I felt like I had to be in charge and in control of every reaction my body had to sexual stimulation. If I had mind shattering sex, and gave into my body, not giving my reaction a second thought….I was wrecked with guilt. I felt guilty because I’d alllowed myself to lose control.

If I give over control to a Dom, all I’m required to do is enjoy the way my body feels. I don’t feel guilt because the decision is out of my hands; my only decision is do I trust my Dom to protect and care for me…do I trust that my Dom is looking after me with care and concern….that’s it, that’s the only decision I’m responsible for. Does a Dom push me? Hell yes, he pushes me. He pushes the limits of what I find sexually acceptable, and he makes me feel wonderful. Because I choose to give over my power to him, he’s able to pry my true sexual desires out of me. He’s able to get me to move beyond my comfort level and try new things…..he’s able to get me so worked up, that I crave his touch.

I still feel guilt and shame about my sexual desires, but somehow he’s also able to ease them.