As you can tell if you’ve been reading my posts, I am in the middle of combining several blogs that I started. I will now be posting erotic book and toy reviews on my blog. I’m excited about becoming a sex toy reviewer ;). I will also be posting pieces that I’ve written or am currently working on. Most Importantly: I will be blogging about BDSM, Daddy/babygirl Relationships, Polyamory, and Getting Your Kink On When You Have a Disability.

I will also be starting a question and answer segment, so if there any questions about BDSM that you’ve been dying to ask since you read 50 Shades, then I’m your girl. I will caution you though, and say that bdsm in the real world isn’t “really” like 50 Shades. There are a ton of different relationships that fall under the BDSM umbrella, and then there are people who just like to get freaky every once in a blue moon.

I have Multiple Sclerosis, and seeing as how this is MS Awareness month I decided to checkout the resources available to us kinky disabled folks. Sadly, there wasn’t as many as I’d hoped & some that looked promising had simply died out. So, I feel like I need to take one for the team and be the “Official Disabled Sexy Toy Testing Goddess”. I will do my duty & serve my community proudly; I will face the day, one toy at a time ;).

I will also be discussing polyamory, because I have recently begun a poly relationship. If someone had asked me about being poly five years ago, I would have looked at them like they were crazy. I’ve changed a lot in that time. I’ve learned that it’s important to be loved unconditionally & be happy, for me that happens to be as a member of a triad…and Daddy’s babygirl. Image

One stp forward & two steps back

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women'...

Women on Top: How Real Life Has Changed Women’s Sexual Fantasies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This past week has been a roller coaster ride of confusion & turmoil. Oddly enough, last Sunday ended with my husband & I have a huge argument. He told me have gave me permission to have the open marriage that I wanted…but guess what??? My ass was shocked, shocked that he’d actually told me that I could see other people & I was shocked because I wasn’t overcome with joy.

The weird thing about being a relationship with someone for half of your lifetime & ALL of your adult life, is that your entire life seems to revolve around your memories with this person. Well, at least that’s how it is in my case. I love this man, he as seen me at my worst & instead of running as fast as he could in the other direction, on one occasion he actually hitchhiked over 70 miles to be with me at the hospital. When I had the chance to study in Japan, this is the person who took care of my three year old so I could go.

I feel indebted to him, but to what degree do I owe him? For the past four years, we have essentially switched roles. I have become the backbone & tried to provide him with the same type of support. When he didn’t listen to me & chose to move by my abusive parent, I tried to go with the flow. He’d started a new job and seemed unhappy; I ignored the hurtful stories that he passed along from my dad. When I saw us drifting apart, I even made arrangements for a friend to watch our kids so we could have some alone time.

He switched jobs and hated it even more than the other job; I tried my damnedest to be supportive, I didn’t even complain about having to load the kids into the car at 5:30 in the morning to drop him off at work. Hell. I didn’t even bitch when he worked EVERY fucking holiday. But, by this time we’d started to really grow apart…no matter how many times I told him I wanted to study writing, he insisted I enroll in a program at our local college.

Fast forward to last week and we’ve grown so far apart that I didn’t even want him to touch me. On Monday, we had a more civil conversation about our relationship status & he’d agreed to an open relationship. He’d also agreed to go to therapy, he starts in a few hours. But, I’m still in pain because of things he’s done & said; I don’t know how to get past them, and he’s excuse tht it’s not his normal character just doesn’t cut it. There’s been no real apology & I don’t think I can move past these things until I feel he’s sincerely sorry.

Surprise. Surprise..he’s not REALLY willing to allow me to have an open relationship. He’s just willing to say that it’s okay. I’ve discovered its okay, as long as I don’t actually talk to someone else….

Decisions, Decisions


It’s been an interesting week to say the least; the truth is out and now it’s decision making time, except I’m not really sure what choice I should make. My husband asked me what kind of marriage did I want, I said open. I love my husband but I’m not “in love” with him right now; we’ve both changed over the last 18 yrs, in someways I think we changed roles.
When we met I was 18, and had discovered I was pregnant a few weeks earlier. We actually became friends in the first place because I would talk to him while I would wait for my fiancé at his dorm. The more we talked the more I found him attractive, but nothing happened until after I broke up with my daughter’s father. In someways he was my knight in shining armor; when my mom went to the other side of the country in order to leave my dad, I was left with no family and a two month
old. He was my rock. When I was totally freaked out and stressed, his family watched my daughter so I could have a few days to try and wrap my head around things.
He saw me at my worst, but he still loved me. God knows I tested him more than any person should ever be tested; I had to know that he wouldn’t beat me or my child, I wasn’t going to repeat my childhood. I can say with complete honesty that he has never physical hurt me, or any of the children.
Unfortunately, somewhere along the way my needs changed and I discovered I would actually like someone to hurt me in a BDSM way. I can’t say if this is just a phase and next week I’ll want something different. Although, it’s been my desire for over a year & a half….way before the Fifty Shades of Grey craze. It is also all but impossible for me to respond to him as a Dom; I’ve tried and it just doesn’t work.
One of the reasons I love him, is because he truly knows my (which also makes it easier for him to hurt me). While we were laying on the bed talking about things, and he was trying to get me to stop crying he said something that I’ve thought from time to time.
You know, you were jerked out of high school before your class even graduated. Then you were thrust into college & you got pregnant. If you think about it there are a lot of things you never got to experience. Then he said that maybe I needed some space so that I could experience those things.
I’ve been living under the cloud of all types of abuse until last year, when I decided it was time for me to heal. Maybe, all of these changes have occurred within me because I’m finally strong enough to shovel through the crap. In my everyday lives I’m am strong and always fighting to keep moving towards the goal. However when it comes to things of a sexual nature, I find it more gratifying and freeing when I am being submissive.
I’ve been spending a lot of time trying to understand and learn about my true submissive nature; hell, to be honest I’m not even sure what all turns me on or what all is out there. Through my “mentoring”, I’ve discovered that I apparently like a little shame, humiliation & guilt. I’m also learning that you can like things in varying degrees. I also have a Domme side, but generally is only arousing to me in terms of being with another woman. I already knew I loved orgasm control and have been exploring this aspect as well.
I’ve also learned some things about my sexual preferences that I am not altogether comfortable with, and have had ideas, vids or discussions that have triggered negative reactions. These negative reactions correlate to things that I’ve recently identified in therapy.
It’s nice to have someone who will push me when I try and change the subject because I’m uncomfortable. It’s not such a great feeling when I upset the person that I’m working with,I’ve always hated disappointing people so maybe thats the submissive in me.
This journey is nowhere near complete, and I know that it’s going to have some really rough parts (like trying to figure out what type of marriage I’m going to be in), but I’m also going to learn who I really am, what I do and don’t like, and hopefully get to a point where I’m comfortable with the fact that I really like, love sex.


Review of Tonya Kinzer’s Novel: Their Submissive Switch by Blackhippiechick for Night Owl Reviews

bdsm @ the hangar

bdsm @ the hangar (Photo credit: mrdepot)

This book could be a good starting point or readers who loved 50 shades

Black Hippie Chick's Take On Books & The World


Sondra & Nick work together by day, but once they enter their house they live in a Master/slave relationship. In order to expand on Sondra’s slave training, she and Nick attended a training retreat in Florida. Before they leave, Nick and Sondra discuss her feelings about receiving sexual stimulation from a female. During the sessions Sondra works with both male Doms and female Dommes; she discovers that she rather enjoys the way Dommes make her feel.
Throughout the retreat Sondra and Nick learn how they feel during many intriguing situations, including a session where Sondra takes on the role of a Domme. The author was able to describe the BDSM sessions in a very sensual way, that left this reader wishing for more.
This book could be a good stepping stone book for those readers who connected with the Fifty Shades Trillogy. This book takes the next step in explaining…

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Day 6 in My 30 Days of Kink


Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.
That’s easy: Have a guy in the Klan fall so in love with my chocolate covered cherry, he donates a small fortune to the United Negro College Fund. Okay, I’m just joking…but, you’ve got to admit that would be a totally intoxicating amount of power. Perhaps I do have a little bit of Domanitrix in me; I’m not even going to try and analyze that tidbit.
I honestly can’t think of any weird or interesting fantasies that I have, they’re all pretty much run of the mill things that you can read in any piece of erotica. I don’t know if this is because it is still difficult to admit my sexual desires, let alone have them stay in my mind long enough to create a fantasy.
Generally, my fantasies consist of your basic two guys and one girl, two girls and one guy, several guys and one girl type of thing. I guess my weirdest fantasy isn’t weird because other people don’t have it, but it’s weird because I want it given my history.
So, here it goes: I want to have my Dom blindfold me, and then take me into a room with a bed. Then I want him to tie me up to the bed; I briefly want him to take the blindfold off of my eyes, and then tell me what’s about to happen. I guess, I need to know that whatever happens, he’ll be there to protect and monitor me…he’ll of course be able to tell if I’m being triggered in someway, and will put a stop to everything.
Then I want my Dom to tie my ass up to the bed & let the fun begin….I want to have sex with at least three men at one time, I want the blindfold on so that I don’t know who’s touching me, when or where. I’m talking fucked hard, well at least the first time ;)…hopefully, it won’t trigger me and if it doesn’t then I think I’d like to try it when I can see what’s going on and I can move freely. But, that’s really a pretty common fantasy.
Hey boys and girls, guess what…I did think of a weird fantasy…I’d like to combine my to loves…SEX & BOOKS ;). I’d like to have sex in a bookstore, preferably when it’s closed (in case a certain Dom is reading this post)…I’d like to have butt ass wild sex on a table with books all around me. Or, we could always go at it in the romance/erotica section….can you imagine it??? He could bend me over some of the furniture that they keep in bookstores…spank my with a nice hardback copy of Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns…-